i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
