Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
