i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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