can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
