Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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