and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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