drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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