Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
