Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
