I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
