my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
