at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
