she woke up with a sticky ear
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
