um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
