She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
