Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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