As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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