Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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