at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
