I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
What happened to fro yo and sex?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
