i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
