Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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