I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
