hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
