shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
