pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
