the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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