shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
