so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He passed out mid-signature
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
