How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
