I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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