I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
