Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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