it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
