Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
