can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
