i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
