This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We have started to decorate penises.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
