There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
