that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
