Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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