I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
