i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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