If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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