Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
