Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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