He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize
