return my video game
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
