Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
