Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Bring me that man meat
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
