i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The air taste purple.
Randomize
