yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He passed out mid-signature
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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