Please, let me fuck your mom
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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