OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
