I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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