not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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