I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
